


Men In Tights

by Dormammu



Category: Avengers Academy (Video Game), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Fluff, Kidnapping, M/M, Merry Men - Freeform, Real Men Wear Tights, Stony - Freeform, Tights, buns, buns in tights, castle - Freeform, multiverse event
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-26
Updated: 2017-06-26
Packaged: 2018-11-19 11:54:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,413
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11312868
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dormammu/pseuds/Dormammu
Summary: Avengers Academy gets its own Merry Men band.  The word is that they roam around campus looking for fights, or... oversized boars and money-filled wagons. Whatever it is, Steve doesn't like it one bit.He does, however, like the way the tights look on one particular behind. And that could make all the difference.





	Men In Tights

  It all started a couple of days after Longbow joined the Academy. He was missing his time period, kept sulking in his castle, so someone suggested they should form Academy's own Merry Men. Longbow considerably brightened up at the prospect, and made a poster himself - took him a day to ink it - and pinned it to the announcement board.

At first, Steve made nothing of it. Clubs celebrating diversity were not an unusual occurrence what with Academy consisting of students from all parts of world, underworld and the Milky Way galaxy itself.

The Longbow's Band of Merry Men was established promptly, the members: Tony Stark, Sam Wilson, Original Clint Barton, Taskmaster, Loki, Thor Noir and Wasp (she threatened Longbow with burning his castle and poisoning his cattle if he wouldn't let her join).

The idea of joining didn't even cross Steve's mind. A band that protects the weak within a place called Avengers Academy was excessive at best, ridiculously useless at worst. But as the class president he notified Fury of the new club on campus, that was the extent of his involvement in Longbow's Band of Merry Men.

Or that was what he thought.

Three days after the Merry Band was established, Steve saw them in the Avengers Park, Longbow was showing the group how to set a trap, a suspiciously big trap.

"What is that for?" Steve asked Longbow, pointing at the trap.

"For the Sher-"

"For a really big boar," Tony Stark cut in, a sweet smile plastered on his face.

Steve only then noticed Tony was wearing tights. Red, tight tights. His mind went blank for a second.

"A bare... A boar? Isn't that trap a bit too oversized for one of those?" Steve said, feeling his cheeks redden.

"That's _modern_ boars," Tony said waving his hand dramatically. "The ones in Longbow's forest were really big. The industrialization made them smaller, you know?" Tony came closer, lowered his voice to a whisper "Come on, Cap, the guy misses his forest and his time period, we're just trying to cheer him up."

"Fine," Steve said. "But I better see no Academy students in those traps."

"I promise you won't," Tony said with a hand over his heart.

"Hey Stark," Steve said as he turned to leave, "nice tights."

They really were nice.

  
The next day, making his way from the gym, Steve saw the Merry Band again. This time they were practicing entering a building, Longbow's castle, by climbing a rope and then descending into it from the rooftop.

Stark was the one climbing the castle at the moment and Steve decided to check in on the group. Nothing to do with Tony wearing the tights again and his lower half being pretty much on display. Nothing. Steve was just checking for mischief.

"You can do it, Tony," Steve heard Jan's chipper voice from the top of the castle, offering encouragement.

"I think you have an audience, Stark," Loki said, looking down at Steve.

"Hey, Cap!" Sam said, smiling at Steve. "You change your mind about joining?"

"No," Steve said. "I'm here to tell you not to try this at the SHIELD HQ, Fury's orders." So he was lying now? Nice one, Rogers.

"Yes, your Director of spies warned us about trying our skills on his fortress himself," Longbow said, looking bored.

"Well, good," Steve said, shuffling his feet, sneaking glances at Tony's form still climbing the rope.

"Tomorrow is our tree-climbing and lookout exercise at the Avengers Park, Cap," Sam said. "If you want some more of that," he pointed at Tony, who was nearly at the top now. Steve blushed.

"No thanks, Sam... But you have fun." He turned around and, hands in pockets, sped off in the direction of the Avengers Dorm.

  
The next day, during his daily run, he couldn't stop thinking about Tony climbing that rope, and those red tights, and the way they made Tony's behind look. All plump and... He had noticed that particular asset of Tony's before, how could he not in those tight jeans and the short jacket he usually wore that wouldn't cover even an inch of it. But this was a whole new level of "in your face". And apparently, the Merry Men were the ones with the full access to it. Looks-wise, not the... he _hoped_ not the touch wise. For a second he thought about asking Sam if Merry Men did any kind of backside-slapping. Then reconsidered it, because Sam very likely already knew about his thing for Stark, and was not above making fun of him, even though he was his best friend.

He decided he would pass by the Park that day, to see if there were any irregularities, not because he was hoping to see Tony in those tights again. Not like he needed a reminder, the picture was crystal clear in his mind. The reason was, it was his duty as a class president and an owner of a Sheriff outfit and a badge. Granted, the class president title didn't really carry that much power, and the Sheriff badge was from 1872 and honorary, but it was the principle of it that mattered.

Steve rounded a corner, hearing Longbow's voice. He was standing under the largest tree in the Avengers Park, explaining something to the rest of the Merry Men (and Wasp).

"You climb the tree and look for any kind of a rich wagon. When it's in sight you warn your friends with a whistle, like this," he whistled. "Then you surround the wagon and one of you, the leader, in this case me, approaches the wagon and says, and remember this: 'Your money or your life!'"

The rest of the Merry men gasped. Except Loki, who smiled diabolically, and Thor Noir, who was not really listening, but chose instead to play with his hammer.

"Now, don't be alarmed," Longbow said, placating them, "They always choose to part with their money bags, and if they don't, well, that's what your merry men are for! You hit the rich bastards over the head with something heavy, a rock or a branch, but not too hard, and as they're taking a nap, empty their purses."

Steve had heard enough.

"You better not try any of this on the Academy grounds, Longbow."

Longbow approached him, smiling. "Of course not, Sheriff Rogers," and Steve could hear chuckles behind him. "This is all just playacting."

Stark quickly joined them, after some suspicious looking whispers from Sam.

"What Longbow means is," Stark said, putting a hand on Steve's shoulder, "he's just teaching us the ways of medieval men of action. We are not going to use any of it on real people, trust me." He offered Steve another one of his sweet smiles.

"Bottom..." Steve coughed. "The bottom line is," Steve said, intentionally not thinking about bottoms, "Fury will disband your club if there's any suspicious activity, and he'll yell at me first, then at you. He could suspend you!"

"I know," Tony said, the sweet smile still gracing his features, "maybe the best way for you to ensure there's no foul play would be to join our band?"

"That's not happening, Stark."

"And why not. You are clearly interested in our activities, which by the way are all a great exercise - cardio, strength, I know that's important to you." Stark's smile turned mischievous. "And I know you don't object to the wardrobe, judging by the way you keep ogling mine."

"I'm not-"

"Jan could make you a pair of tights in your color," he turned to Jan. "Jan, wouldn't you _love_ to make a pair of blue tights for Cap?"

"Oh my God! Is Cap joining? I'm gonna go start immediately!"

"That won't be necessary," Steve yelled out, "Stark is just joking!"

"Oh well, it was worth a try," Tony said, shrugging.

"Just... Don't make any trouble, Tony." He softened his voice: "Please?"

Tony's face turned a shade more serious. "I won't." He looked at Steve for a long second, his eyes turning puppy-ish. "Just, think about joining us? Have some fun, Cap."

Steve was about to answer with a sharp "No." But Tony's tone and hopeful look stopped him. "Ok, Tony, I'll think about joining your little gang, if only to show you how to properly climb a rope."

Tony's smile was dazzling, Steve felt a tightness in his heart and possibly somewhere lower.

Tony turned to leave, offering Steve one more look at the tights, and the behind encased in them.

"Hey Tony," Steve called after him, Tony's head turned. "Do you guys ever..." He hesitated.

"What?"

"Never mind. Bye!" And once more Steve, hands in his pockets, sped off the premises in embarrassment.

  
He was not going to do it, he thought as he climbed into his bed that night. Tights or no tights, behinds or no behinds, he was not going to join a wannabe medieval band of robbers.

  
In the morning, a package was waiting at his doorstep. Attached to it, a note in Jan's hand:

_"If you change your mind, Cap._

_P.S. You'll look better than all the other Merry Men in these. Just don't tell Tony I said this._

_P.P.S. Burn the note on receiving._

_P.P.P.S. Please. xx"_

He took the package into his room, opened it.

Just as he feared, a pair of leggings, neatly folded, in his favorite blue color. He unraveled the leggings, ran his hand over the material. It seemed of good quality. He thought about trying them on, but that would mean he was thinking about joining. Which he was not, at all. He was however, curious about seeing himself in tights, he'd never tried a pair on before...

 

They fit perfectly. And turning in front of the mirror, he realized his legs and behind did look pretty good in them. Even if, in his opinion, not as good as...

Unfortunately he didn't get the chance to finish the thought, because a bag was placed on his head, one that smelled strongly of chloroform. Darkness swallowed Steve, and the tights.

  
When he woke up, the bag was off his head, and the real darkness had already fallen. His hands were tied up to something large and unyielding. And he was outside. For a second he thought Merry Men had kidnapped him. But why would they use chloroform? After working so hard on their trap-setting, and considering Longbow's love for rocks and branches.

The answer appeared in the form of a large, bearded green old man watching him. Maestro.

"Slept well, Captain?" Maestro said, coming closer. "It won't be long, before your dumb friends come to your aid. All of them, Iron Man, Hawkeye, Wasp, Thor. I'll have a full set of new skull mugs."

"The only mug here is going to be you, Maestro. I'm not a part of their little band, they won't be coming for me."

"Then why are you wearing the uniform?" Maestro cackled.

"It's just a pair of leggings, it's 2017, everyone is wearing them."

"And they'll make fine coasters," Maestro said, jeering. "For my Avengers Academy skull mugs."

"You're wasting your time, Maestro. You won't lure them in, you miscalculated. So much for the smart Hulk." Steve laughed at him, hoping it'd make him angry and desperate enough to do something stupid. Something that would make enough noise.

But instead of that, Maestro just gave him a side-eye glance and walked away.

Steve, his eyes more accustomed to darkness, saw that Maestro was returning to his throne, and he also realized where he was tied up - on the top of a ruined Daily Bugle building, tied to the large G. Great. Not to mention, he'd been here for the entire day and no one knew he had been kidnapped.

He started thinking up a plan for an escape despite the precarious height and the scattered swords under him that could cut his descent short, literally. There was also the option of trying brute strength on the rope and possibly toppling down together with the letter G, with some luck, he would just barely survive.

He was thinking, assessing his options, one more dire than other, when he heard an almost imperceptible whistle, the type of whistle Merry Men used. Oh no, he thought. Now he was going to have to think up a plan to save them as well.

The whistle was answered with another whistle. Steve looked at Maestro's throne. Maestro had dozed off.

A whooshing sound, and a rope was secured to the letter L, just by the letter G.

After a few minutes Steve saw a familiar head. "Stark?" he whispered. "Why did they send _you_? Why not someone who can actually climb a rope?"

"Oh ha ha, funny Cap, gotta remember that for my memoirs. Nice to see you too."

In just a moment Tony was in front of Steve. Very close. In tights.

"Nice tights," Stark said, eyeing Steve's tights.

"I... Maestro's goons made me put them on." Will the lies ever stop?

"Sure they did. Remind me to send Maestro a thank you note then." Stark tried to untie the rope.

"Sorry," Stark whispered in his ear,"it's too tight." They were chest to chest. Steve felt a familiar tightness in his heart and other parts, only without the heart tightness this time. Just the other parts.

"Just hurry up," Steve hissed.

"I'll have to use my secret weapon." Tony reached into one of his belt pouches and retrieved a small dagger. Steve stared as he was doing it. Tony noticed. "Wanna see what's in my other pouches?" he whispered.

"Only if they contain my dignity," Steve answered sadly. "Now will you please..."

Tony cut through the ropes in mere seconds. He returned the knife into the pouch.

Steve's hands were numb, both with cold and being tied up for so long. He tried warming them up by rubbing them together.

"You need help with that?" Stark asked, looking at Steve's hands.

Steve was about to say no, but he really did need his hands in a working order if he was going to climb down a rope. "Yeah, I d-"

Before he could finish the sentence, Tony took his hands into his own, warmer, so much warmer hands and rubbed them. It felt so good.

"Better?" Tony asked after a couple of minutes of vigorous rubbing and breathing on Steve's hands.

"Yeah." It had been better for at least half a minute. But Steve was only a man. A man who liked the feel of Tony Stark's hands and breath on his hands, so sue him.

"Alright," Tony said. Before he let go of Steve's hands he gave them a small kiss. Steve decided not to press the issue. Not because he liked it, but because extreme situations like kidnapping often lead to confusion and that was probably what happened. That Stark was not the one kidnapped was beside the point.

"I'm gonna go first, you second, so I can keep an eye on you," Tony said after a moment.

That meant... his behind would be... He looked at Stark who quickly looked away from his tights-clad legs.

"Ok, but climb down quickly, Maestro won't be sleeping forever, Stark."

Tony looked relieved.

"And don't look at my ass," Steve added. "I'll know."

Stark smiled. "I'd never. What kind of a guy looks at innocently descending butts? Not _me_." He winked at Steve, who was probably purple in the face with embarrassment.

Stark started climbing down the rope. Steve took a final look at Maestro. He was still sleeping, snoring loudly.

The descent was easy, what with Steve having the feel in his hands once more. There was only one hitch that almost resulted in Steve sitting on Stark's face. As they were climbing down, Stark saw something, stopped and reached for it, without giving Steve a warning. Fortunately, Steve realized that Tony had stopped just inches before Tony got up close and personal with his behind.

"Stark, what the heck!" Steve hissed. "I almost sat on you."

He could hear Stark swallow loudly, "Just a sec, can't go back to my merry band without some treasure." His voice sounded strained. "Ok, got it," he said.

They were on their way down again.

  
The Merry Men (and Wasp) were waiting for them by one of the treasure chests. Another treasure chest was in Thor Noir's and Taskmaster's hands. Loki and Sam were keeping the lookout on the nearby trees. In place of the treasure chests they were taking, the Merry Men left a large trap. "Boars, huh?" Steve muttered to himself.

"Good, Iron Man, you successfully saved your fair maiden," Longbow said. "Now help us with these chests, lads, if you'll be so kind."

" _Fair Maiden? Your?_ " Steve mouthed at Tony.

" _I'll explain later,_ " Tony mouthed back, and nodded at the treasure chest.

As he and Tony carried the chest to Longbow's castle, miniature Wasp landed on Steve's shoulder.

"You put them on! You look great, Cap!" She got closer to his ear and whispered, "Your butts look so good together in van Dyne tights!" She gave him a small peck on the cheek and flew off.

  
In the Longbow's castle a feast was waiting for them. In the middle of the feasting room all the treasure was heaped.

"When Iron Man said we should save Captain America," Longbow started his speech, holding a chicken leg like a microphone, "I protested. Captain is not one of us, Even though he seems to have embraced our uniform-"

"And it him!" someone, probably Sam yelled out. To everyone's laughter.

"Yeah, he truly could be the contender for The Man In Tights, King of Buns!"

Steve'd never felt more embarrassed in his life.

"Be it so," Longbow continued, "I was against the idea. Until Stark here called upon the Fair Maiden Clause. And as you all well know, Fair Maiden Clause is one of our most respected rules! It says, if one of Merry Men's beloved is kidnapped by a baddie, everyone must help that Merry Man retrieve her... or him!"

Everyone cheered.

Steve felt like he was falling out of a helicopter, from a greater height than he initially thought. And without a parachute. He looked at Tony, who looked away and stared at the table instead.

"And of course, there was the matter of Maestro's treasure chests," Taskmaster said. "I better get my cut!"

"Everyone will get their cut," Longbow said. "But now we feast!"

Another cheer.

Steve used the opportunity of everyone being engrossed in their chicken legs and ducked out of the feasting room. Somehow he ended up on the castle balcony. But that was ok, air was nice. The moonlight was a little bit too much, but Steve could have a sense of humor. Even at his own expense.

He thought about the things Longbow said, it all made sense. Tony had lied to save him. Said Steve was his love, or beloved, made the Merry Men help with the mission, and climbed a rope and warmed his hands...

What if, he dared to think, what if it was...

"It's true, you know?" a voice said behind him, Tony's voice, but devoid of joy. "I do like you, Cap. A lot."

Steve turned around. Tony looked sad, out of hope. Like he'd just revealed something very bad.

"I'm not your fair maiden though," Steve said, walking slowly towards Tony.

"You're not..." Tony repeated quietly, looking at the stone floor.

"I'm more like a fair sheriff," Steve said, smiling. Only a feet of distance was between them.

Tony looked up, a confused look on his face.

"Doling out justice, fairly? But if you want you can be my... piece of calico?"

"Your what?"

"I... don't know. Can we kiss now?"

"You're so cheesy," Tony said, smiling, their faces inches apart.

Steve closed his eyes and closed the distance. They kissed under the moonlight, on a castle balcony, because that's what you did after a kidnapping, escape and a robbery.

"Does this mean," Tony said between the kisses, "that you're one of us now?"

"No." Steve said resolutely, and took Tony's face in his hands and kissed him even more resolutely.

"But," Tony said, breaking the kiss once more and nuzzling and kissing Steve's neck, "you'll put on the tights sometimes? For me?"

Steve nuzzled and mouthed at Tony's neck and jaw. "If you ask nicely."

 

-The End-

 

**Author's Note:**

> If you know me and didn't think I'd write a fic named Men In Tights after seeing Longbow and that conversation where he disses Tony's ability to pull off tights, then you don't know me at all. :D


End file.
